Laurie Taylor: Country Blues

A confirmed nature-hater since childhood, Laurie Taylor sets out from his weekend cottage in Battersea to try to find his 'true self in the country'. Armed with Ordnance Survey and Collected Wordsworth he is quickly lost - 'a townie in the wheatfield' - and soon falls foul of the giant machines which have been unleashed on the new factory farms of England. Retiring to the Lake District he peers at packed beauty spots, walks the ramblers' M4, and follows the crowds to a Visitors' Centre, where one can learn about the countryside without the bother of actually going there. Baffled, he retreats to the peace and order of Hyde Park. 'You don't have to feel anything about a city park. No one asks you - "how was the park?"